'I’d slit my wrists right down the middle for you.'
'Prove it'.
Wednesday, 31 March 2010
Tuesday, 30 March 2010
Bus XXVI
Scott: Can we do something tonight? Just you and me?
Louisa: Are you asking me out?
Scott: No, I just don’t wanna stay in
Louisa: Cos of your mum being in that asylum?
Scott: Actually, I’m enjoying the place more without her. I reckon they should just give kids a house instead of parents. It’d be a much better system.
Louisa: Why not hang out with Jack?
Scott: No! He’s the problem!
Louisa: How come?
Scott: Ever since my mum left, he keeps randomly popping round. Says he doesn’t want me to feel lonely.
Louisa: Are you asking me out?
Scott: No, I just don’t wanna stay in
Louisa: Cos of your mum being in that asylum?
Scott: Actually, I’m enjoying the place more without her. I reckon they should just give kids a house instead of parents. It’d be a much better system.
Louisa: Why not hang out with Jack?
Scott: No! He’s the problem!
Louisa: How come?
Scott: Ever since my mum left, he keeps randomly popping round. Says he doesn’t want me to feel lonely.
Bus XXV
Louisa: Guess who I saw delivering papers down Scott's road the other day
Jack: Jesus?
Louisa: Nope
Jack: Buddha?
Louisa: Nope
Jack: Muhammad?
Louisa: Nope, you’re in the wrong area entirely
Jack: Vishnu?
Louisa: Why would any of these people be delivering papers? The correct answer is Lizzie Rockford.
Jack: Oh. Why are you telling me this?
Louisa: Because something tells me you’ll be holding your nose to set foot in Scott’s flat more often from now on
Jack: Jesus?
Louisa: Nope
Jack: Buddha?
Louisa: Nope
Jack: Muhammad?
Louisa: Nope, you’re in the wrong area entirely
Jack: Vishnu?
Louisa: Why would any of these people be delivering papers? The correct answer is Lizzie Rockford.
Jack: Oh. Why are you telling me this?
Louisa: Because something tells me you’ll be holding your nose to set foot in Scott’s flat more often from now on
Bus XXIV
Louisa: Oh wow, you got a laptop?
Jack: Nah, it’s my dad’s. I’m watching a movie on it.
Louisa: What movie?
Jack: I dunno, it’s just something he left in the tray. Started playing when I switched it on.
Louisa: Any good?
Jack: It’s alright. Bit gory.
Louisa: Budge up and let me watch too
Jack moves; Louisa stumbles awkwardly into the now-vacant seat
Louisa: Why’s that guy flying a helicopter upside down?
Jack: There’s some kind of magnet on the roof, pulling him down
Louisa: He’s gonna crash right into that baseball crowd
Jack: Nah, he’s turning on the turbo thrusters
Louisa: What are they?
Jack: I dunno, but the dentist mentioned them earlier
Louisa: The dentist?
Jack: He borrowed the helicopter from his dentist. They’re fighting this evil company who poisoned the President's dentures.
Louisa: So the President’s dead?
Jack: Nah, he hasn’t put them in his mouth yet...but he switches them over on the first day of every month...which is today...and the butler’s just started microwaving his morning curry
Louisa: The President has microwave curry for breakfast? What a stupid film.
Jack: Yeah, it is a bit crap
Both stare at the screen, transfixed
Jack: Nah, it’s my dad’s. I’m watching a movie on it.
Louisa: What movie?
Jack: I dunno, it’s just something he left in the tray. Started playing when I switched it on.
Louisa: Any good?
Jack: It’s alright. Bit gory.
Louisa: Budge up and let me watch too
Jack moves; Louisa stumbles awkwardly into the now-vacant seat
Louisa: Why’s that guy flying a helicopter upside down?
Jack: There’s some kind of magnet on the roof, pulling him down
Louisa: He’s gonna crash right into that baseball crowd
Jack: Nah, he’s turning on the turbo thrusters
Louisa: What are they?
Jack: I dunno, but the dentist mentioned them earlier
Louisa: The dentist?
Jack: He borrowed the helicopter from his dentist. They’re fighting this evil company who poisoned the President's dentures.
Louisa: So the President’s dead?
Jack: Nah, he hasn’t put them in his mouth yet...but he switches them over on the first day of every month...which is today...and the butler’s just started microwaving his morning curry
Louisa: The President has microwave curry for breakfast? What a stupid film.
Jack: Yeah, it is a bit crap
Both stare at the screen, transfixed
Bus XXIII
Louisa: Huge fight at the chess club last night
Jack: Anyone I know?
Louisa: Just some guys from Brooks Academy
Jack: I should start coming to the chess club again
Scott: One time my grandad spent ten days on a life-raft with another guy, waiting to be rescued, and all they did the whole time was play chess
Jack: He good then?
Scott: Only won one game
Jack: Better than none
Scott: Yeah, but it was only cos the other guy forfeited
Jack: Why’d he do that?
Scott: Grandad threatened to push him overboard
Jack: What a charming anecdote. I’ve never seen anyone beat Lou-Lou.
Scott: How’d you learn those skills?
Louisa: I used to eat this cereal that had chess tips on the back of the box. Loved that cereal.
Jack: Anyone I know?
Louisa: Just some guys from Brooks Academy
Jack: I should start coming to the chess club again
Scott: One time my grandad spent ten days on a life-raft with another guy, waiting to be rescued, and all they did the whole time was play chess
Jack: He good then?
Scott: Only won one game
Jack: Better than none
Scott: Yeah, but it was only cos the other guy forfeited
Jack: Why’d he do that?
Scott: Grandad threatened to push him overboard
Jack: What a charming anecdote. I’ve never seen anyone beat Lou-Lou.
Scott: How’d you learn those skills?
Louisa: I used to eat this cereal that had chess tips on the back of the box. Loved that cereal.
Monday, 22 March 2010
The Fearsome Beast
ONE
There was once a village in a valley, ringed by mountains on three sides and a great dark cave on the other. Nobody had ever ventured inside this cave, for it was well known by all that a huge and fearsome beast resided therein.
Nevertheless it was a common sport among the village children to throw pebbles in at the mouth in hopes of striking the beast. This tradition continued with each new generation of children, despite the fears of many a mother, because the fearsome beast never did stir and some even began to speculate that perhaps it had finally died and rid them all of its terrible presence.
One evening as the villagers were gathering around the crickle-crackle fire, a roaring was heard from the sky and the earth and the mountains but most of all from the great dark cave. The villagers knew this must be the sound of the fearsome beast, raised from dormancy at long last by a need to feed upon the villagers.
While much of the tribe fled to the relative safety of the mountain-side, the Village Chief knew it was her responsibility to establish a dialogue with the beast and hopefully meet its demands without unnecessary bloodshed. Walking up to the mouth of the great dark cave, she called in the almost-forgotten tongue of her ancestors: ‘O, great beast, why do you stir?’
And the beast replied, in a voice which curdled the milk in the cows’ udders: ‘Because my home is full of stones!’
‘Stones?’
‘Yes,’ repeated the beast. ‘Stones thrown by your children for centuries, depriving me of living space.’
‘O, great beast, we will remove the stones for you, and ensure our children never act so inconsiderately again.’
‘Let it be done,’ agreed the beast, and was heard no more.
TWO
Naturally the job of venturing into the fearsome beast’s domain to remove centuries of rubble was not in great demand, and volunteers were only found with the promise of prime cuts from every slaughtered animal for the next three lunar cycles.
Although it was much feared amongst the removal party that they would find themselves eye to eye with the beast, they saw no sign of it. Nevertheless they were only too pleased to complete the week’s work and return to their other duties.
The Village Chief, feeling that she ought to ensure the beast’s temper had been satisfied, took it upon herself to once again stand at the mouth of the cave and call out: ‘O, great beast, is our business complete?’
‘Not quite,’ replied the great beast, shaking the leaves from the trees with its growl. ‘I wish to talk with you below the earth.’
‘Then I will certainly come,’ replied the Chief, descending underground without a glance to her advisors in the valley, who were silently waving their hands in warning of a trap.
The great dark cave lived up to its name and nothing could be seen within, but the Chief could hear the laboured breathing of the beast and smell its putrid breath. ‘O, great beast, what do you say?’
‘I wish to make another deal,’ explained the beast, whose voice down here was loud and booming enough to deafen the unwary. ‘I understand that your village places great value on metal.’
‘That is true,’ said the Chief, ‘because we are under constant threat of invasion by rival villages. Our spot in the mountains is much desired, and we need metal to forge our weapons.’
‘I have a great supply of metal in the bowels of my cave. The heat of my breath and the tear of my claws can quickly make weapons of it.’
‘What do you ask in return for this service, great beast?’
‘Only that I am left alone. No member of your village must ever disturb my peace again.’
‘Very well.’
‘Upon every New Moon I shall rise to the surface and leave a supply of weapons at the mouth of my cave. Your people will retrieve these as quickly and quietly as possible, and expect nothing more of me until next New Moon. In return all I request is my solitude.’
‘But great beast, what do you gain from this agreement?’
‘Although your people have disturbed me, they have not yet attacked me. Another tribe would probably not do me the same courtesy.’
THREE
So the deal was made, and several more centuries passed. Nobody ever heard the beast in its great dark cave, but every New Moon it left weapons as promised. These weapons were far stronger than anything humans could forge, ensuring no enemy could over-run the village, which quickly grew into a town and later a city.
With this expansion came the need for greater leadership and a parliament was established in which two main parties debated the issues of the day, many of which related to the fearsome beast.
The Freedom Party adopted the stance that any beast which would make deals with humans must be fearful of them. It had obviously grown old and feeble, striking a deal only to protect itself from the villagers’s wrath. Enslaving the beast would enable many more weapons to be produced.
By contrast, the Wisdom Party insisted the fearsome beast could not be trusted, and that the deal was lulling the city into a false sense of security. The city should continue the deal but be prepared to take arms against the fearsome beast when it inevitably attacked.
These two parties could never agree and so the issue remained hotly contested, eventually escalating into a civil war. Blissfully unaware of this, the fearsome beast honoured the deal until there was nobody left alive to claim the monthly weapons bounty.
There was once a village in a valley, ringed by mountains on three sides and a great dark cave on the other. Nobody had ever ventured inside this cave, for it was well known by all that a huge and fearsome beast resided therein.
Nevertheless it was a common sport among the village children to throw pebbles in at the mouth in hopes of striking the beast. This tradition continued with each new generation of children, despite the fears of many a mother, because the fearsome beast never did stir and some even began to speculate that perhaps it had finally died and rid them all of its terrible presence.
One evening as the villagers were gathering around the crickle-crackle fire, a roaring was heard from the sky and the earth and the mountains but most of all from the great dark cave. The villagers knew this must be the sound of the fearsome beast, raised from dormancy at long last by a need to feed upon the villagers.
While much of the tribe fled to the relative safety of the mountain-side, the Village Chief knew it was her responsibility to establish a dialogue with the beast and hopefully meet its demands without unnecessary bloodshed. Walking up to the mouth of the great dark cave, she called in the almost-forgotten tongue of her ancestors: ‘O, great beast, why do you stir?’
And the beast replied, in a voice which curdled the milk in the cows’ udders: ‘Because my home is full of stones!’
‘Stones?’
‘Yes,’ repeated the beast. ‘Stones thrown by your children for centuries, depriving me of living space.’
‘O, great beast, we will remove the stones for you, and ensure our children never act so inconsiderately again.’
‘Let it be done,’ agreed the beast, and was heard no more.
TWO
Naturally the job of venturing into the fearsome beast’s domain to remove centuries of rubble was not in great demand, and volunteers were only found with the promise of prime cuts from every slaughtered animal for the next three lunar cycles.
Although it was much feared amongst the removal party that they would find themselves eye to eye with the beast, they saw no sign of it. Nevertheless they were only too pleased to complete the week’s work and return to their other duties.
The Village Chief, feeling that she ought to ensure the beast’s temper had been satisfied, took it upon herself to once again stand at the mouth of the cave and call out: ‘O, great beast, is our business complete?’
‘Not quite,’ replied the great beast, shaking the leaves from the trees with its growl. ‘I wish to talk with you below the earth.’
‘Then I will certainly come,’ replied the Chief, descending underground without a glance to her advisors in the valley, who were silently waving their hands in warning of a trap.
The great dark cave lived up to its name and nothing could be seen within, but the Chief could hear the laboured breathing of the beast and smell its putrid breath. ‘O, great beast, what do you say?’
‘I wish to make another deal,’ explained the beast, whose voice down here was loud and booming enough to deafen the unwary. ‘I understand that your village places great value on metal.’
‘That is true,’ said the Chief, ‘because we are under constant threat of invasion by rival villages. Our spot in the mountains is much desired, and we need metal to forge our weapons.’
‘I have a great supply of metal in the bowels of my cave. The heat of my breath and the tear of my claws can quickly make weapons of it.’
‘What do you ask in return for this service, great beast?’
‘Only that I am left alone. No member of your village must ever disturb my peace again.’
‘Very well.’
‘Upon every New Moon I shall rise to the surface and leave a supply of weapons at the mouth of my cave. Your people will retrieve these as quickly and quietly as possible, and expect nothing more of me until next New Moon. In return all I request is my solitude.’
‘But great beast, what do you gain from this agreement?’
‘Although your people have disturbed me, they have not yet attacked me. Another tribe would probably not do me the same courtesy.’
THREE
So the deal was made, and several more centuries passed. Nobody ever heard the beast in its great dark cave, but every New Moon it left weapons as promised. These weapons were far stronger than anything humans could forge, ensuring no enemy could over-run the village, which quickly grew into a town and later a city.
With this expansion came the need for greater leadership and a parliament was established in which two main parties debated the issues of the day, many of which related to the fearsome beast.
The Freedom Party adopted the stance that any beast which would make deals with humans must be fearful of them. It had obviously grown old and feeble, striking a deal only to protect itself from the villagers’s wrath. Enslaving the beast would enable many more weapons to be produced.
By contrast, the Wisdom Party insisted the fearsome beast could not be trusted, and that the deal was lulling the city into a false sense of security. The city should continue the deal but be prepared to take arms against the fearsome beast when it inevitably attacked.
These two parties could never agree and so the issue remained hotly contested, eventually escalating into a civil war. Blissfully unaware of this, the fearsome beast honoured the deal until there was nobody left alive to claim the monthly weapons bounty.
Tuesday, 16 March 2010
Bus XXII
Jack: Wanna get an ice cream in town?
Louisa: Nah, I’d better not. Too expensive.
Jack: You sure?
Louisa: Yeah, I just wanna go home and cry
Jack: How come?
Louisa: It’s Ms Pappus. Every week she does these lame impressions of celebrities, and she gives you a detention if you don’t laugh.
Jack: That’s a shame. We’ve got Mr Thales. He’s pretty fun. Did a quiz last week.
Louisa: Oh man, that sounds great
Jack: Yeah, it was alright. My group would’ve won if it wasn’t for Scott.
Louisa: What did he do?
Jack: Shouted out that Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. Before we’d even had time to confer.
Louisa: Who was he then?
Jack: He invented Communism!
Louisa: Oh. I’ve never been too sure what Communism is, to be honest.
Jack: It’s just this thing about how we’re all exploited by our bosses because we do all the work but they make all the money
Louisa: What’s so great about that? Anyone could think up that. Ronnie Phelps could think up that.
Jack: Ronnie Phelps can’t even tie his shoes. Anyway, there’s more. Marx said one day we’re all going to kill our bosses and share the money out equally.
Louisa: Wow, that sounds pretty good. I dunno if I could kill my boss though.
Jack: Well, you’re only part-time. The full-time workers will do the killing. You’ll just have to spit on the corpse or something.
Louisa: When’s this gonna happen then?
Jack: I dunno, but Marx said it’s inevitable, so we just have to sit around and wait
Louisa: I hope it doesn’t take too long
Jack: Well he predicted it, like, two hundred years ago
Louisa: Two hundred years ago? And it hasn’t happened yet? What if it never happens?
Jack: I’m sure it will eventually
Louisa: Yeah, in another two hundred years! God, I feel depressed now. I was all ready for this wonderful future and now it might not even happen.
Jack: Sorry
Louisa: It’s not your fault. Just this stupid world. Let’s get that ice cream after all.
Jack: What about the money?
Louisa: Ah, fuck the money. In fact, let’s get a whole tub. I need cheering up.
Louisa: Nah, I’d better not. Too expensive.
Jack: You sure?
Louisa: Yeah, I just wanna go home and cry
Jack: How come?
Louisa: It’s Ms Pappus. Every week she does these lame impressions of celebrities, and she gives you a detention if you don’t laugh.
Jack: That’s a shame. We’ve got Mr Thales. He’s pretty fun. Did a quiz last week.
Louisa: Oh man, that sounds great
Jack: Yeah, it was alright. My group would’ve won if it wasn’t for Scott.
Louisa: What did he do?
Jack: Shouted out that Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. Before we’d even had time to confer.
Louisa: Who was he then?
Jack: He invented Communism!
Louisa: Oh. I’ve never been too sure what Communism is, to be honest.
Jack: It’s just this thing about how we’re all exploited by our bosses because we do all the work but they make all the money
Louisa: What’s so great about that? Anyone could think up that. Ronnie Phelps could think up that.
Jack: Ronnie Phelps can’t even tie his shoes. Anyway, there’s more. Marx said one day we’re all going to kill our bosses and share the money out equally.
Louisa: Wow, that sounds pretty good. I dunno if I could kill my boss though.
Jack: Well, you’re only part-time. The full-time workers will do the killing. You’ll just have to spit on the corpse or something.
Louisa: When’s this gonna happen then?
Jack: I dunno, but Marx said it’s inevitable, so we just have to sit around and wait
Louisa: I hope it doesn’t take too long
Jack: Well he predicted it, like, two hundred years ago
Louisa: Two hundred years ago? And it hasn’t happened yet? What if it never happens?
Jack: I’m sure it will eventually
Louisa: Yeah, in another two hundred years! God, I feel depressed now. I was all ready for this wonderful future and now it might not even happen.
Jack: Sorry
Louisa: It’s not your fault. Just this stupid world. Let’s get that ice cream after all.
Jack: What about the money?
Louisa: Ah, fuck the money. In fact, let’s get a whole tub. I need cheering up.
Bus XXI
Louisa: Your mum found a job yet?
Scott: Nope
Louisa: How’s she coping?
Scott: Well, she’s drinking a lot...
Louisa: Oh dear
Scott: And the other night she wanted to stick her head in the gas oven
Jack: You still have a gas oven?
Louisa: Oh my God! Did you talk her out of it?
Scott: No, but I was baking a pie...so she had to wait ‘til it was done. And by then that dancing show she likes had come on.
Louisa: Phew
Scott: So yeah, a happy ending
Scott: Nope
Louisa: How’s she coping?
Scott: Well, she’s drinking a lot...
Louisa: Oh dear
Scott: And the other night she wanted to stick her head in the gas oven
Jack: You still have a gas oven?
Louisa: Oh my God! Did you talk her out of it?
Scott: No, but I was baking a pie...so she had to wait ‘til it was done. And by then that dancing show she likes had come on.
Louisa: Phew
Scott: So yeah, a happy ending
Bus XX
Louisa: So, I’m going to New York this summer
Jack: You already told us
Scott: Didn’t tell me
Louisa: It’ll be my first time on a plane
Scott: Oh no, don’t go by plane. They’re all gonna start crashing soon.
Louisa: What?
Scott: Yeah, I read this thing once about how the statistics say that way more planes should be crashing. Soon they’ll all be dropping out of the sky, to even it out.
Jack: That doesn’t sound right...
Scott: You can’t argue with statistics
Jack: You already told us
Scott: Didn’t tell me
Louisa: It’ll be my first time on a plane
Scott: Oh no, don’t go by plane. They’re all gonna start crashing soon.
Louisa: What?
Scott: Yeah, I read this thing once about how the statistics say that way more planes should be crashing. Soon they’ll all be dropping out of the sky, to even it out.
Jack: That doesn’t sound right...
Scott: You can’t argue with statistics
Sunday, 14 March 2010
Bus XIX
Jack: Unseasonably warm today, methinks
Louisa: 'Methinks'? You're not Hamlet.
Jack: Would that I were
Louisa: 'Methinks'? You're not Hamlet.
Jack: Would that I were
Thursday, 11 March 2010
Bus XVIII
Jack: The Model UN’s on Friday, right?
Louisa: Thursday. They’ve moved it forward cos of Mr Hilbert’s haemorrhoids.
Jack: Oh really? That’s annoying. Less time to prepare.
Louisa: Gives us an excuse if it all goes wrong though
Jack: I suppose. You got a country now?
Louisa: China
Jack: Wow, that’s an interesting one! Much better than Bolivia. What’s your game plan?
Louisa: Long debates on shoemaking
Jack: Shoemaking?
Louisa: Well, I read this book on Chinese shoemaking once. So I know loads about it. And I figure it’s better to concentrate on one topic in depth than try to cover everything.
Jack: All the same...shoemaking? Why would the UN talk about shoemaking?
Louisa: I dunno, maybe I’m exporting them
Jack: Well, what if somebody wants to raise another issue with you?
Louisa: I’ll keep saying that I’m not willing to discuss anything else until after the shoemaking. By the time I finish everyone’ll just want to go home.
Louisa: Thursday. They’ve moved it forward cos of Mr Hilbert’s haemorrhoids.
Jack: Oh really? That’s annoying. Less time to prepare.
Louisa: Gives us an excuse if it all goes wrong though
Jack: I suppose. You got a country now?
Louisa: China
Jack: Wow, that’s an interesting one! Much better than Bolivia. What’s your game plan?
Louisa: Long debates on shoemaking
Jack: Shoemaking?
Louisa: Well, I read this book on Chinese shoemaking once. So I know loads about it. And I figure it’s better to concentrate on one topic in depth than try to cover everything.
Jack: All the same...shoemaking? Why would the UN talk about shoemaking?
Louisa: I dunno, maybe I’m exporting them
Jack: Well, what if somebody wants to raise another issue with you?
Louisa: I’ll keep saying that I’m not willing to discuss anything else until after the shoemaking. By the time I finish everyone’ll just want to go home.
Tuesday, 9 March 2010
Bus XVII
Louisa: How’d it go with the psychiatrist?
Jack: Well...it turns out Flora Flinton’s a real person
Louisa: What, really? All this time?
Jack: No, that’s the weirdest part. I mean, what are the chances she'd meet a girl with the exact same name as her imaginary friend?
Scott: I used to have an imaginary cat
Jack: What was its name?
Scott: ‘Cat’. Just ‘Cat’.
Jack: Well...it turns out Flora Flinton’s a real person
Louisa: What, really? All this time?
Jack: No, that’s the weirdest part. I mean, what are the chances she'd meet a girl with the exact same name as her imaginary friend?
Scott: I used to have an imaginary cat
Jack: What was its name?
Scott: ‘Cat’. Just ‘Cat’.
Bus XVI
Jack: My folks are taking Jane to a psychiatrist tomorrow
Louisa: Why?
Jack: Because she’s obsessed with her imaginary friend
Louisa: Oh, I had one of those! Mia Walensa.
Jack: Interesting name
Louisa: Yeah, that was during my Polish phase. I’d make everyone sing the Polish national anthem before meals - so she'd feel welcome.
Jack: You must have a very patient family
Louisa: Oh, it wasn’t only family. Just be glad I went to an All Girls’ Primary.
Jack: Well Jane’s seven now and she still talks about Flora Flinton constantly. How long did you keep on to yours?
Louisa: I murdered her when I was six
Jack: Murdered her?!
Louisa: Yeah, I pushed her in front of a car. She was such a haughty little bitch. Always fluttering her eyelashes at the boys. Had it coming.
Louisa: Why?
Jack: Because she’s obsessed with her imaginary friend
Louisa: Oh, I had one of those! Mia Walensa.
Jack: Interesting name
Louisa: Yeah, that was during my Polish phase. I’d make everyone sing the Polish national anthem before meals - so she'd feel welcome.
Jack: You must have a very patient family
Louisa: Oh, it wasn’t only family. Just be glad I went to an All Girls’ Primary.
Jack: Well Jane’s seven now and she still talks about Flora Flinton constantly. How long did you keep on to yours?
Louisa: I murdered her when I was six
Jack: Murdered her?!
Louisa: Yeah, I pushed her in front of a car. She was such a haughty little bitch. Always fluttering her eyelashes at the boys. Had it coming.
Bus XV
Louisa: Saw you in town Sunday
Scott: Oh yeah?
Louisa: With your mum. Carrying a bowl of something.
Scott: That was soup for Old Pete. He’s this homeless guy we visit sometimes.
Louisa: Wow, that’s nice
Scott: Well, he's an old friend of my dad’s. Used to give him stock tips.
Louisa: Your dad took stock tips from a homeless guy?
Scott: He's an expert. Reads all the business pages. Fishes them out of bins.
Jack: Didn’t your dad go bankrupt and flee the country?
Scott: Yeah, but that was cos he started listening to his broker instead of Old Pete
Scott: Oh yeah?
Louisa: With your mum. Carrying a bowl of something.
Scott: That was soup for Old Pete. He’s this homeless guy we visit sometimes.
Louisa: Wow, that’s nice
Scott: Well, he's an old friend of my dad’s. Used to give him stock tips.
Louisa: Your dad took stock tips from a homeless guy?
Scott: He's an expert. Reads all the business pages. Fishes them out of bins.
Jack: Didn’t your dad go bankrupt and flee the country?
Scott: Yeah, but that was cos he started listening to his broker instead of Old Pete
Bus XIV
Louisa: Why are you wearing a hat?
Jack: It’s a thinking cap. Finally I can unleash my long-dormant creative powers.
Louisa: You’re not gonna start singing again, are you?
Jack: Who knows where the muse will take me? Perhaps I’ll write a symphony. Or a novel.
Louisa: Sounds more like a self-delusion cap
Jack: Do you enjoy tearing down people’s hopes and dreams?
Louisa: Only yours
Jack: It’s a thinking cap. Finally I can unleash my long-dormant creative powers.
Louisa: You’re not gonna start singing again, are you?
Jack: Who knows where the muse will take me? Perhaps I’ll write a symphony. Or a novel.
Louisa: Sounds more like a self-delusion cap
Jack: Do you enjoy tearing down people’s hopes and dreams?
Louisa: Only yours
Sunday, 7 March 2010
Bus XIII
Jack: Do you prefer big bags of crisps or multi-pack bags?
Louisa: Why’s the driver turning here?
Scott: What’re multi-pack bags?
Jack: You know, ones with lots of little bags in them
Louisa: Guys, I think we’re on the wrong bus
Scott: They sell bags with lots of little bags inside?
Jack: You’ve never seen those?
Louisa: We’d better get off at the next stop
Scott: Nope. I'm not that big on crisps. Prefer nuts.
Louisa: Guys, we’d better get off here!
Jack: Meh, we only just got on
Scott: Yeah, I'd rather wait this one out
Louisa: Why’s the driver turning here?
Scott: What’re multi-pack bags?
Jack: You know, ones with lots of little bags in them
Louisa: Guys, I think we’re on the wrong bus
Scott: They sell bags with lots of little bags inside?
Jack: You’ve never seen those?
Louisa: We’d better get off at the next stop
Scott: Nope. I'm not that big on crisps. Prefer nuts.
Louisa: Guys, we’d better get off here!
Jack: Meh, we only just got on
Scott: Yeah, I'd rather wait this one out
Saturday, 6 March 2010
Bus XII
Louisa: Where's Scott this morning?
Jack: He got off cos that couple up front kept kissing. Said it offended him.
Louisa: Offended him?
Jack: Yeah, said he'd rather walk than sit idly by while young children are corrupted.
Louisa: Wow, I never realised he was so prudish. Or so eloquent.
Jack: Yeah, he gets very upset about all the swearing on children's television too
Louisa: Swearing? They don't swear on children's television, do they?
Jack: I dunno, I only watch the adult shows
Louisa: Same here. Why do they even make children's shows?
Jack: Lets the adults feel nostalgic
Jack: He got off cos that couple up front kept kissing. Said it offended him.
Louisa: Offended him?
Jack: Yeah, said he'd rather walk than sit idly by while young children are corrupted.
Louisa: Wow, I never realised he was so prudish. Or so eloquent.
Jack: Yeah, he gets very upset about all the swearing on children's television too
Louisa: Swearing? They don't swear on children's television, do they?
Jack: I dunno, I only watch the adult shows
Louisa: Same here. Why do they even make children's shows?
Jack: Lets the adults feel nostalgic
Friday, 5 March 2010
Bus XI
Jack: Let's get a hot dog in town
Scott: Can't. Gotta visit my mum in the hospital.
Louisa: God, is she okay?
Scott: Just a burn
Louisa: Well...I hope she gets better soon
Scott: Thanks
Louisa: She found a new job yet?
Scott: 'Fraid not
Louisa: Ah, that sucks
Scott: Yeah, it's getting kinda tough. Last week we had to choose between lightbulbs or cocoa.
Scott: Can't. Gotta visit my mum in the hospital.
Louisa: God, is she okay?
Scott: Just a burn
Louisa: Well...I hope she gets better soon
Scott: Thanks
Louisa: She found a new job yet?
Scott: 'Fraid not
Louisa: Ah, that sucks
Scott: Yeah, it's getting kinda tough. Last week we had to choose between lightbulbs or cocoa.
Thursday, 4 March 2010
Bus X
Scott: Lend us a tenner, will you?
Jack: Lent you twenty last week!
Scott: I know, but I’ve already spent it and I need more. Vital purchases.
Jack: Porn subscriptions aren’t vital purchases
Louisa: Ew, I dread to think what you get off on
Scott: Can’t help it if I have needs. C’mon, you know I always pay you back.
Jack: Make your own porn or something
Scott: I don’t know any fit girls
Louisa: Thanks
Scott: Well, would you do porn?
Louisa: Degrading myself for money? No, thanks.
Jack: Yeah, it’s a bit nasty. Would you, Scott?
Scott: I’m all for degradation, but porn’s so commercial these days. Men in suits demanding extra takes. It’s not for me.
Jack: Lent you twenty last week!
Scott: I know, but I’ve already spent it and I need more. Vital purchases.
Jack: Porn subscriptions aren’t vital purchases
Louisa: Ew, I dread to think what you get off on
Scott: Can’t help it if I have needs. C’mon, you know I always pay you back.
Jack: Make your own porn or something
Scott: I don’t know any fit girls
Louisa: Thanks
Scott: Well, would you do porn?
Louisa: Degrading myself for money? No, thanks.
Jack: Yeah, it’s a bit nasty. Would you, Scott?
Scott: I’m all for degradation, but porn’s so commercial these days. Men in suits demanding extra takes. It’s not for me.
Bus IX
Louisa: Where’s Scott today?
Jack: Home ill
Louisa: Oh
Jack: Yep
Louisa: Good riddance to him, I say
Jack: Ditto
Louisa: Anything funny in the news lately?
Jack: Not really. Just political stuff.
Louisa: Oh
Jack: Yep
Louisa: I wonder what Scott’s doing
Jack: Wanna phone him?
Louisa: No, better not. He might be asleep.
Jack: Oh
Louisa: Yep
Jack: Home ill
Louisa: Oh
Jack: Yep
Louisa: Good riddance to him, I say
Jack: Ditto
Louisa: Anything funny in the news lately?
Jack: Not really. Just political stuff.
Louisa: Oh
Jack: Yep
Louisa: I wonder what Scott’s doing
Jack: Wanna phone him?
Louisa: No, better not. He might be asleep.
Jack: Oh
Louisa: Yep
Wednesday, 3 March 2010
Bus VIII
Louisa: I don't think she was even wearing one today
Jack: This again? Is nothing sacred anymore?
Scott: She was definitely wearing it in History - Duncan O'Malley clocked it. Blue - just like yesterday.
Jack: Duncan's colourblind
Louisa: A-ha!
Scott: You sure?
Jack: I administered the test myself
Louisa: Anyway, she could easily have a pack of blue ones.
Scott: A pack of blue ones? Yeah, that's likely.
Louisa: Why can't you just face the fact this girl has multiple bras?
Scott: I'll believe it when I see it
Jack: I think we're all hoping it doesn't come to that
Louisa: There's no pattern!
Scott: What about the Alternate Thursdays Dossier?
Louisa: Have you even read the findings? Inconclusive.
Scott: What we need is a spy. In her house.
Louisa: Doesn't she have a brother?
Scott: Yeah, but he's older
Louisa: Only a couple of years! And every brother has his price!
Jack: If only you'd put this much time and effort into our Maths Project
Jack: This again? Is nothing sacred anymore?
Scott: She was definitely wearing it in History - Duncan O'Malley clocked it. Blue - just like yesterday.
Jack: Duncan's colourblind
Louisa: A-ha!
Scott: You sure?
Jack: I administered the test myself
Louisa: Anyway, she could easily have a pack of blue ones.
Scott: A pack of blue ones? Yeah, that's likely.
Louisa: Why can't you just face the fact this girl has multiple bras?
Scott: I'll believe it when I see it
Jack: I think we're all hoping it doesn't come to that
Louisa: There's no pattern!
Scott: What about the Alternate Thursdays Dossier?
Louisa: Have you even read the findings? Inconclusive.
Scott: What we need is a spy. In her house.
Louisa: Doesn't she have a brother?
Scott: Yeah, but he's older
Louisa: Only a couple of years! And every brother has his price!
Jack: If only you'd put this much time and effort into our Maths Project
Bus VII
Louisa: Why weren't you in Biology?
Scott: I was
Louisa: No, you weren't. I'd have seen you.
Scott: You did see me. Even said hello.
Louisa: Oh c'mon, I'd have remembered that!
Scott: You'd think so...but apparently not
Louisa: Where was he, Jack?
Jack: No idea. I'm not his keeper, y'know.
Scott: You seriously don't remember?
Louisa: No!
Scott: We discussed Fiona Preston's bra...
Louisa: She wasn't in today!
Scott: I know, thats what we discussed. Her absence...and whether it was bra-related.
Jack: Why would it be bra-related?
Louisa: Well, everyone says she only has one bra...
Scott: ...so the days she has off must be her laundry days
Louisa: They aren't - there's no pattern.
Jack: Couldn't her laundry day just be at the weekend?
Louisa: Here's my stop. I know you're lying to me! You were not in Biology!
Jack: Where else could he have been? You know he's not a toilet hider.
Louisa: True, he wouldn't be caught dead near a toilet. Later, losers.
Exit Louisa
Jack: So where were you really?
Scott: Counselling
Jack: Oh! Still on Truthfulness?
Scott: Yep
Scott: I was
Louisa: No, you weren't. I'd have seen you.
Scott: You did see me. Even said hello.
Louisa: Oh c'mon, I'd have remembered that!
Scott: You'd think so...but apparently not
Louisa: Where was he, Jack?
Jack: No idea. I'm not his keeper, y'know.
Scott: You seriously don't remember?
Louisa: No!
Scott: We discussed Fiona Preston's bra...
Louisa: She wasn't in today!
Scott: I know, thats what we discussed. Her absence...and whether it was bra-related.
Jack: Why would it be bra-related?
Louisa: Well, everyone says she only has one bra...
Scott: ...so the days she has off must be her laundry days
Louisa: They aren't - there's no pattern.
Jack: Couldn't her laundry day just be at the weekend?
Louisa: Here's my stop. I know you're lying to me! You were not in Biology!
Jack: Where else could he have been? You know he's not a toilet hider.
Louisa: True, he wouldn't be caught dead near a toilet. Later, losers.
Exit Louisa
Jack: So where were you really?
Scott: Counselling
Jack: Oh! Still on Truthfulness?
Scott: Yep
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