Louisa: How come I didn't
see you on the bus this morning? I thought your bike got impounded.
Scott: Yeah, I got the early
bus
Louisa: What early bus?
Scott: You know, the one
that delivers the milk
Louisa: I don't think that's
a bus, Scott
Scott: God, you sound just
like the driver
Monday, 24 February 2014
Bus CXXV
Jack: Are you going to the
Making Quality Fairer speech?
Louisa: What's that?
Jack: It's where the Head's gonna set out her agenda for next term
Louisa: Fairytale villainy. Next.
Jack: I suppose it's the fate of all great thinkers to be maligned by idiots. But with an attitude like that, perhaps it's best you don't come.
Louisa: Oh, I'll be there. It's still better than being in class.
Jack: The speech is at lunchtime
Louisa: Oh, then no. I'll be in the canteen, stockpiling muffins.
Jack: What about the anti-depressants?
Louisa: Apparently the muffins are safe. In fact it turns out they don't put anti-depressants in any of the desserts.
Jack: Weird. I'd have thought the fat kids needed cheering up most. Anyway, the canteen is where she's making the speech. They've closed down the kitchens for the day.
Louisa: But what about food?
Jack: Today they're serving a different kind of food. Food for thought.
Louisa: Then I'll be down the shop, buying real food. And I guess missing her speech will be a nice little bonus.
Jack: Oh, you won't miss the speech. It's gonna be broadcast on the shop's loudspeaker. And everywhere else that has a loudspeaker.
Louisa: Do the toilets have loudspeakers?
Jack: They do now
Louisa: God, is there no way to avoid this woman's stupid Fascist regime?
Jack: That's sort of the point of a Fascist regime. You can't just hide in the toilets and wait for it to pass.
Louisa: What does Making Quality Fairer even mean?
Jack: I think it means we can't afford to give everyone quality, so it's fairer not to let anyone have it
Louisa: What's that?
Jack: It's where the Head's gonna set out her agenda for next term
Louisa: Fairytale villainy. Next.
Jack: I suppose it's the fate of all great thinkers to be maligned by idiots. But with an attitude like that, perhaps it's best you don't come.
Louisa: Oh, I'll be there. It's still better than being in class.
Jack: The speech is at lunchtime
Louisa: Oh, then no. I'll be in the canteen, stockpiling muffins.
Jack: What about the anti-depressants?
Louisa: Apparently the muffins are safe. In fact it turns out they don't put anti-depressants in any of the desserts.
Jack: Weird. I'd have thought the fat kids needed cheering up most. Anyway, the canteen is where she's making the speech. They've closed down the kitchens for the day.
Louisa: But what about food?
Jack: Today they're serving a different kind of food. Food for thought.
Louisa: Then I'll be down the shop, buying real food. And I guess missing her speech will be a nice little bonus.
Jack: Oh, you won't miss the speech. It's gonna be broadcast on the shop's loudspeaker. And everywhere else that has a loudspeaker.
Louisa: Do the toilets have loudspeakers?
Jack: They do now
Louisa: God, is there no way to avoid this woman's stupid Fascist regime?
Jack: That's sort of the point of a Fascist regime. You can't just hide in the toilets and wait for it to pass.
Louisa: What does Making Quality Fairer even mean?
Jack: I think it means we can't afford to give everyone quality, so it's fairer not to let anyone have it
Bus CXXIV
Louisa: What's that?
Scott: It's a list of stuff I own
Jack: Some sort of cheat sheet for burglars?
Scott: I'm selling it. See if there's anything you wanna buy.
Jack: What's an 'apple bag'?
Scott: Duh. A bag for putting apples in.
Jack: Well, what makes it an apple bag?
Scott: It's just a plastic bag for putting apples in
Jack: Like they give away free at the supermarket?
Scott: Pretty much
Jack: So why should I buy this one?
Scott: You probably shouldn't
Jack: Well, thanks for your honesty
Scott: No problem
Scott: It's a list of stuff I own
Jack: Some sort of cheat sheet for burglars?
Scott: I'm selling it. See if there's anything you wanna buy.
Jack: What's an 'apple bag'?
Scott: Duh. A bag for putting apples in.
Jack: Well, what makes it an apple bag?
Scott: It's just a plastic bag for putting apples in
Jack: Like they give away free at the supermarket?
Scott: Pretty much
Jack: So why should I buy this one?
Scott: You probably shouldn't
Jack: Well, thanks for your honesty
Scott: No problem
Bus CXXIII
Louisa: You know how they
have obituaries in the Gazette for old students and staff?
Jack: Oh, those are real? Then why are they right next to the comic strips?
Louisa: I dunno. To cheer people up afterwards? Anyway, there's an award each year for the most gruesome death.
Jack: Do murders count?
Louisa: No, they learned that lesson. Accidental deaths only. Anyway, I was looking through the list of past winners earlier, and no less than seven of them were called Jack.
Jack: Well, how many winners have there been? Any Scotts?
Louisa: No Scotts. And no Louisas either. Which isn't a surprise, since I also found out there used to be a ban on any student here being called Louisa. Even if it was just your middle name.
Jack: How come?
Louisa: It's just one of those crazy old bye-laws. And unlike the bye-law about giving every student a gold bar at graduation, this one was rigidly enforced until a few years ago. I guess they heard I was coming.
Jack: Well, how did these seven Jacks die? Too much sex?
Louisa: Hot air balloon crashes. Ski-lift malfunctions. Wild dog attacks. As far as I can tell, the only unifying factor was no sex whatsoever.
Jack: All this really tells me is that people called Jack lead action-packed lives, while Louisas sit at home knitting scarves
Louisa: Look, I already said you don't have to wear it. Just thought you might appreciate some protection against the cold. Especially since one of those Jacks died at the North Pole. As did my cousin, so I know about these things.
Jack: Yeah, but the North Pole where your cousin died was a seafood restaurant
Louisa: Okay, but she still died of hypothermia. Whereas the Jack at the other North Pole died of alcohol poisoning. So who's the real hero?
Jack: I don't think anyone's coming out of this conversation a hero
Jack: Oh, those are real? Then why are they right next to the comic strips?
Louisa: I dunno. To cheer people up afterwards? Anyway, there's an award each year for the most gruesome death.
Jack: Do murders count?
Louisa: No, they learned that lesson. Accidental deaths only. Anyway, I was looking through the list of past winners earlier, and no less than seven of them were called Jack.
Jack: Well, how many winners have there been? Any Scotts?
Louisa: No Scotts. And no Louisas either. Which isn't a surprise, since I also found out there used to be a ban on any student here being called Louisa. Even if it was just your middle name.
Jack: How come?
Louisa: It's just one of those crazy old bye-laws. And unlike the bye-law about giving every student a gold bar at graduation, this one was rigidly enforced until a few years ago. I guess they heard I was coming.
Jack: Well, how did these seven Jacks die? Too much sex?
Louisa: Hot air balloon crashes. Ski-lift malfunctions. Wild dog attacks. As far as I can tell, the only unifying factor was no sex whatsoever.
Jack: All this really tells me is that people called Jack lead action-packed lives, while Louisas sit at home knitting scarves
Louisa: Look, I already said you don't have to wear it. Just thought you might appreciate some protection against the cold. Especially since one of those Jacks died at the North Pole. As did my cousin, so I know about these things.
Jack: Yeah, but the North Pole where your cousin died was a seafood restaurant
Louisa: Okay, but she still died of hypothermia. Whereas the Jack at the other North Pole died of alcohol poisoning. So who's the real hero?
Jack: I don't think anyone's coming out of this conversation a hero
Bus CXXII
Louisa: If you had a time
machine, would you rather travel to the past or the future?
Jack: The future. I wanna prove that everything's getting worse.
Louisa: You need time travel for that?
Jack: Well, it's like how you don't notice someone's putting on weight if you see them every day. But if I could bring back solid evidence from the future, everyone would know I was right and I could finally rub it in their faces.
Louisa: I'd like to go back to the past
Jack: How come?
Louisa: I wanna find out how you got so screwed up
Jack: The future. I wanna prove that everything's getting worse.
Louisa: You need time travel for that?
Jack: Well, it's like how you don't notice someone's putting on weight if you see them every day. But if I could bring back solid evidence from the future, everyone would know I was right and I could finally rub it in their faces.
Louisa: I'd like to go back to the past
Jack: How come?
Louisa: I wanna find out how you got so screwed up
Bus CXXI
Louisa: I'm so hungry
Jack: You bought a sandwich earlier
Louisa: Yeah, but I never ate it. And now it's too late. I'm never eating from that canteen again.
Jack: How come?
Louisa: I just found out they've been putting anti-depressants in all the food
Jack: Wow. That's actually a really good idea.
Louisa: I know you like to play Devil's advocate, but even the Devil would think they'd stepped over the line with this one
Jack: When you think about it though, so many of the students here are already on anti-depressants that it kind of makes sense to just dose everyone at once
Louisa: But they didn't even bother to tell anyone. The kids who are already on anti-depressants must've been getting double doses. Someone could've overdosed.
Jack: Yeah, overdosing on happiness. Who'd want that?
Louisa: Happiness doesn't come out of pill bottles, Jack. Only alcohol bottles.
Jack: What if you put alcohol in the pill bottles? Hey, does this mean I can write for the Gazette now?
Louisa: Still no. And the worst thing is they've told me I can't even write an editorial about it until they solve the paper shortage.
Jack: Or, presumably, until you become editor. There's a paper shortage?
Louisa: So they claim. It didn't stop them having a paper aeroplane contest yesterday though.
Jack: Well, I guess they keep a back-up supply for that kind of emergency
Louisa: I honestly think this might be the worst thing the school has ever done
Jack: Really? Remember when they gave all the Rag Week money to those terrorists?
Louisa: Okay, I guess it might not be the worst thing. But it still really pisses me off.
Jack: Well, you'll feel better once you've eaten
Jack: You bought a sandwich earlier
Louisa: Yeah, but I never ate it. And now it's too late. I'm never eating from that canteen again.
Jack: How come?
Louisa: I just found out they've been putting anti-depressants in all the food
Jack: Wow. That's actually a really good idea.
Louisa: I know you like to play Devil's advocate, but even the Devil would think they'd stepped over the line with this one
Jack: When you think about it though, so many of the students here are already on anti-depressants that it kind of makes sense to just dose everyone at once
Louisa: But they didn't even bother to tell anyone. The kids who are already on anti-depressants must've been getting double doses. Someone could've overdosed.
Jack: Yeah, overdosing on happiness. Who'd want that?
Louisa: Happiness doesn't come out of pill bottles, Jack. Only alcohol bottles.
Jack: What if you put alcohol in the pill bottles? Hey, does this mean I can write for the Gazette now?
Louisa: Still no. And the worst thing is they've told me I can't even write an editorial about it until they solve the paper shortage.
Jack: Or, presumably, until you become editor. There's a paper shortage?
Louisa: So they claim. It didn't stop them having a paper aeroplane contest yesterday though.
Jack: Well, I guess they keep a back-up supply for that kind of emergency
Louisa: I honestly think this might be the worst thing the school has ever done
Jack: Really? Remember when they gave all the Rag Week money to those terrorists?
Louisa: Okay, I guess it might not be the worst thing. But it still really pisses me off.
Jack: Well, you'll feel better once you've eaten
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